2010 Preseason Power Rankings

After days of waiting, they are finally here!

Remember, this is all in good fun, so don't get your damn panties bent out of shape. Send all feedback my way. If you don't like where you are, prove me wrong.

Without further ado, I present to you the much-anticipated 2010 preseason Power Rankings.


12. Charlie Murphy
What could go right: Hal sheds the label of expansion team and comes out firing, taking down Andy and Bob, respectively, in the first two weeks; Roy Halladay runs away with the Cy Young award, leading the Phillies to a 10-game division lead by the All-Star break; Justin Duchshcerer starts the season and pitches decent enough to avoid a quick trigger finger from Hal.
What could go wrong: Hal is overwhelmed and can't handle the pressure so he makes a deal to hand the team back to the defunct Richie; Jose Reyes injures his groin dancing to salsa music in the dugout (while he's already on the DL); Andre Ethier is busted for using steroids in May, leaving a huge hole in the Dodgers' lineup and, more importantly, Charlie Murphy's.
What will really happen: With no expectations, Hal fares OK. He treads around the .500 mark thanks to lousy keepers but good managing. Ultimately, though, he misses the playoffs in his inaugural year.

11. Phightin Sillies
What could go right: Adam does it again, making his second brilliant trade in as many years - this time, he sends Nick Swisher and Matt Holliday to Chris for Mark Reynolds and Franklin Gutierrez right before Holliday breaks a bone in his hand; A year away from TV commercials and magazine photo shoots, Dustin Pedroia reverts back to his MVP form; One of Adam's FIVE relief pitchers gets turned into a starter.
What could go wrong: Adam starts out in a big hole and finds himself in a race to avoid paying the last-place fee; Manny Ramirez calls it quits after he fails to homer in his first 15 games of the season; Right before the All-Star break, current AL MVP frontrunner Josh Hamilton is spotted snorting cocaine after purchasing it from manager Ron Washington and is suspended indefinitely.
What will really happen: Adam stays close most weeks but fails to pull out necessary wins. He misses out on the playoffs for the fourth straight year.

10. Time to Mo Vaughn
What could go right: Whenever Dave sees he has a trade proposal, he doesn't even bother opening it; Matt Kemp shines in the spotlight, belting 35 homers and 115 RBIs to go along with 30 SBs; Todd Helton, Aaron Hill, Raul Ibanez, Jason Kubel, Randy Wolf and Huston Street all prove last year weren't flukes.
What could go wrong: This time, Dave trades Adam Wainwright to Bob for Cole Hamels, who gets injured in his next start; Matt Kemp can't handle the spotlight that comes with dating Rihanna and turns to A-Rod for advice - A-Rod gives him a one-word answer: "Steroids"; The aforementioned slew of guys prove that yes, indeed, it was a fluke.
What will really happen: Dave still can't figure out how to get over the hump in this league, failing to make the playoffs yet again.

9. Turd in the punchbowl
What could go right: Ken never loses average, hits and stolen bases, and claws out 10-9 victories for the first four weeks; Hanley Ramirez tinkers with becoming the first guy to hit .400 since Ted Williams; Cliff Lee is traded to the Phillies at the trade deadline, duplicating what he did last season.
What could go wrong: Ken loses his first four games and hits a combined eight home runs; Tired of losing both in real life and fantasy life, Hanley Ramirez refuses to suit up and demands a trade; Cliff Lee cannot get over the fact that he is not playing in Philadelphia anymore and intentionally throws at every hitter's head.
What will really happen: Ken has an up-and-down season, but he's never able to blow out an opponent, leading to a lot of close calls on Sundays. He finishes two-to-three games below .500 and regroups for next year.

8. Manager of the Year
What could go right: Mike starts out 4-1, leading to some more strange comments and bizarre trash talk with Hal; Ian Kinsler thrives in the fifth spot of the batting order, turning into a legit power hitter; Jacoby Ellsbury justifies his status of being drafted so high, finishing with 110 runs and 80 stolen bases.
What could go wrong: Mike makes a bonehead move that costs him a W in Week 1, and he never recovers; The Jacoby Ellsbury pick is scrutinized all season long after the centerfielder has a down year; Jeff Francouer reveals himself to be Greek, not French, and he has to put up with the shame of that for the rest of the season.
What will really happen: Mike will complain that he's ranked too low and then he won't go out and back up his words.

7. Smutt Peddlers 5
What could go right: Despite a roster with a lot of "meh" players, Joe recaptures his Smutt magic and gets back to the title game yet again; Joe turns into a closet Red Sox fan after watching his three Boston players have incredible seasons; David Wright remembers how to hit home runs and increases his total from 10 to 15 this year.
What could go wrong: Joe's offense turns out to be miserable, as predicted, and he can't find ways to win; The Rays and Jays fight it out for first in the AL East; David Wright, wearing his Gazoo helmet, falls on his face running to first base and suffers a broken cheekbone that DLs him for 60 days.
What will really happen: Joe has a playoff spot all but locked up, needing just one win in the final three weeks. But a tumble in the stock market causes Joe to panic, and he loses all three games to miss the playoffs.

6. Rebuilding Year Ova!
What could go right: With gigantic expectations, Shea comes out firing on all cylinders and is the talk of the league through April; Playing without pressure and a different girlfriend every month, Alex Rodriguez wins the AL MVP; Carlos Zambrano meditates before games, helping him to be less psycho on the mound.
What could go wrong: Shea starts out 1-3, sees his season quickly sliding downhill and starts the rebuilding year again; A-Rod can't handle his new lifestyle of not being a choke artist and starts drinking before each game; Carlos Zambrano sees the commissioner of this league before a game in Philadelphia and attacks him for using the nickname "Big Z."
What will really happen: Shea joins managers such as Joe and Bob as ones who have actually lobbied for a high spot in the power rankings. He backs into the playoffs after forgetting to set his lineup in August and September.

5. Snooki Punch
What could go right: The fantasy Gods finally smile upon Andy for doubling as commissioner and they reward him with some success in this league; Ryan Howard learns how to hit a breaking ball, smashing 63 homers to become the single-season non-steroid leader; Matt Cain turns into a stud who contends for the Cy Young and becomes a valuable keeper.
What could go wrong: The blog becomes more important than managing the team and Andy has a disastrous year; Jason Heyward quickly learns that he needs another season in the minor leagues; Mark Buehrle pitches one imperfect game after another, choosing this season to be his last.
What will really happen: Andy will use the magic of Luke Gregerson to sneak into the playoffs down the stretch with a couple of late-season dramatic wins.

4. Bronx Bombers
What could go right: Chris does it again, drafting a catcher who turns into the team's star hitter. Last year, Sandoval, this year Montero; Grady Sizemore rebounds from a horrific season and reverts back to the player Chris has fallen in love with; Carlos Quentin makes me eat my words and lives up to Chris' 40 homer, 110 RBI prediction.
What could go wrong: Chris loses in Week 1 and puts everyone on the trading block, declaring this season over!; Grady Sizemore is more concerned with taking pictures of his junk in a mirror than he is playing baseball; Carlos Quentin gets arrested for tracking down Chris and taking a swing at him after Chris benches him.
What will really happen: Chris will contend for a division title and easily make the playoffs.

3. Billy Ball
What could go right: With no stiffing and limits on keeper trades, Jack tears through the league, tinkering with an undefeated season; Troy Tulowitzki follows up last season with another monster year; Jake Peavy and Chris Carpenter avoid injuries and start against each other in the All-Star Game.
What could go wrong: Jack announces his team's official color is red after seeing so many small red DLs next to his players' names; Jason Bay fills in nicely with the Mets, becoming another power hitter intimidated by the ballpark; Jonathan Broxton fails to convert a save every time he faces the Padres simply because Matt Stairs is in the ballpark.
What will really happen: Jack has another consistent season and wins the division, but loses in his first playoff game yet again.

2. Fireballs Ten
What could go right: Celebrating the team's 10th anniversary, Rick brings back some of the club's greats for moving ceremonies; With Pujols, Mauer, Bartlett and Ichiro, Rick threatens to set a record by hitting over .300 as a team; CC Sabathia wins the AL Cy Young, making Rick look smart for keeping him over Roy Halladay.
What could go wrong: Rick's team boycotts after he tells them that last year's semifinal finish wasn't good enough and puts them through preseason boot camp; Josh Johnson and Tim Hudson go down with injuries, leaving Rick desperate for some arms; Joe Mauer has a terrible season in Minnesota's new cold, outdoor stadium.
What will really happen: Rick wins the division, makes it to the finals and becomes the first manager to win two titles.

1. Cole Miners
What could go right: During a late-night Atlantic City fix, Bob and Dave agree to a trade by picking random numbers at the roulette table; Bob sets a league record for home runs in a season thanks to guys like Fielder, Braun, Dunn, Zimmerman and Cruz; Stephen Strasburg is called up in early May and dominates, immediately establishing himself as a top keeper.
What could go wrong: Bob starts off slow again, changing his name to the Cold Miners for the second straight season; Fielder accidentally clocks Bruan in the face during a post-home run celebration; Stephen Strasburg isn't called up until September.
What will really happen: Bob wins two games in the playoffs but can't capture that second straight title, losing in the finals.