The screen goes to Commissioner Z, standing at a podium with a microphone.)
Commish: Welcome to the 2011 MTLPC Keeper League Draft Lottery! (crowd cheers wildly). Today, the six worst managers from 2010 will learn of their 2011 draft fate. Throughout the next few minutes, you'll want to click the "refresh" button as we provide live updates from the draft lottery!
But, first, a look at the six managers.
(Screen cuts to a montage breaking down each manager's stats and chances)
Dave: Top odds, 30.07 percent chance of winning the lottery. This is his fourth consecutive year in the draft lottery. His highest position has been third.
Mike: Second-best odds, 23.08 percent change of winning. This is his third consecutive year in the lottery, and his highest position has been fifth.
Ken: Tied for the third-best odds, at 16.55 percent. This is his second year in the lottery with his highest spot being fourth.
Shea: Also tied for the third-best odds, at 16.55 percent. This is his third time in the lottery, and both other times he has won it! (Shea's fan base cheers wildly)
Rick: The fifth-best odds at 8.86 percent. This is, amazingly, his first time in the lottery.
Jack: The worst odds at 4.9 percent. This is his second time in the lottery, and the previous time he got the sixth pick.
(screen fades to commercial with the words "2011 Draft Lottery - Coming Up NEXT!"
Commish: And here we go! As always, we will start from bottom to top!
The sixth pick in the 2011 MTLPC Keeper Draft will be... KEN
Announcer 1: Wow a huge shocker to start things off! Ken was tied for the third best odds and fell all the way to sixth!
Announcer 2: Just a disappointing outcome for Ken. He really needed a break after last year's tough season.
Announcer 1: And that means Jack, who had the worst odds, gains at least a spot out of this.
Commish calls Ken over to the stage for an interview
Commish: Ken, your thoughts on this? It's gotta be a bit disappointing.
Ken: I suck at lotteries.
Commish: Thanks for your time, good luck this season.
(commercial break)
Announcer 1: Welcome back! We heard during the break Mike, who currently has the second-best odds at this point, say he'd be happy with the fifth pick.
Announcer 2: Yeah, you know, I just don't understand the thought process there. At this point, he needs to be thinking anything other than a top-2 pick is a failure.
Announcer 1: Let's go back to the commissioner for another pick!
Commish: Thanks guys. The fifth pick in the 2011 MTLPC Keeper Draft will be... RICK
Announcer 2: Wow!
Announcer 1: Well, Rick stays slotted in the 5 spot, as projected, but Announcer 2, tell the audience why you're wowing.
Announcer 2: It means Jack really is a big winner here today. He goes from the worst odds to at least a top-four pick.
(commercial break)
Commish: And let's get right to the fourth pick!
The fourth pick of the 2011 Keeper Draft will be... JACK
Announcer 1: So there it is, Jack will be the fourth pick.
Announcer 2: And you know, he has to be thrilled with that. If you remember, Jack always was one to think draft orders were rigged against him, so this here has got to be a welcome sight for him.
Announcer 1: Absolutely. And now we're down to three - Dave, Mike, and Shea.
Commish: Now, for the third pick in the 2011 Draft...it goes to MIKE!
Announcer 2: You know, it's just unbelievable the luck that Shea gets in these draft lotteries. Three times now and he's improved from his original status.
Announcer 1: And Mike will be the third pick. Let's go to the commish, who is standing by with Mike.
Commish: Mike, are you happy or disappointed with this outcome?
Mike: We were expecting a top-two pick, but we are satisfied in the three hole.
Commish: Thanks, Mike, good luck this season.
Announcer 1: So there we go, we're down to two. Dave - who had the best odds - and Shea, who was tied for the third-best odds to win this sucker.
Announcer 2: I'm really excited, this is what the offseason is all about. Look at the faces of Shea and Dave. Shea is smirking, and Dave is serious. (camera pans to the two of them.)
Announcer 1: Quite a scene here, let's go back to the commish for the end of this draft lottery!
Commish: First, we'd like to thank all our sponsors and we encourage you to visit their websites! Now, for the conclusion of the 2011 Draft Lottery...
(camera scans to both Shea and Dave, as dramatic music plays in the background)
Commish: The second pick in the 2011 draft will be ... SHEA! Meaning the winner of the draft lottery is DAVE!
Announcer 1: A huge victory for Dave! The kid has yet to make the playoffs in this league, and maybe this will be what will propel him to finally get over the hump!
Announcer 2: You have to feel good for Dave. He really has been outmatched in this league, and now maybe he can turn things around. Will he take Albert Pujols? Hanley Ramirez? He has the pick of the litter to choose from!
Announcer 1: So let's recap here. The complete 2011 draft order is: Dave, Shea, Mike, Jack, Rick, Ken, Joe, Andy, Adam, Hal, Chris, Bob
Commish: Thanks to everyone for joining us here today! We hope you had a good time, and we'll see you in March for the draft!
Posts
Ill take 5th!!!!
ReplyDeleteThere is a God.
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